Paul Anderson, Tribune column, 26 January 2001
Oh dear. A year ago, a month ago, even a week ago, you could rely on Sion Simon, the onetime Millbank apparatchik turned political commentator, to mount a spirited defence of the Government, regardless of the circumstances. First in the Spectator, then in the Telegraph, and latterly in the News of the World, he would turn his hand to praising in lavish terms the most asinine "New" Labour policy initiative and defending the most hopeless minister.
So reliable a mouthpiece was he that, last year, Tribune's regular contributors discussed the possibility of running a satirical homage, written by a different person every month. The initial idea was to call the spoof "Simple Simon – the 'Who ate all the pies?' man", but that was felt too cruel and a little clumsy. In the end, we decided on "Brion Bunter – the New Labour punter" as a working title, which tallied perfectly not only with Mr Simon's girth and love of lunch but also with the sophistication of his political analysis. Unfortunately, the whole project came to nought. No one bothered to make the effort to turn in the first parody – and then he lost a few stone over the summer.
Whatever, something has changed in Mr Simon's world. Last Sunday in the Screws, he wrote a piece calling for half the Cabinet to be fired – including John Prescott, Robin Cook, Nick Brown, Ann Taylor and Chris Smith. Then, not content with that, he went on to pour scorn on the performance of our dear Home Secretary. Jack Straw, he opined, "has been happiest to ape Tony Blair's style as far as his talents will allow . . . But, despite all appearances, Straw's not a complete fool. I'd be astonished if he were sacked altogether."
Not a complete fool, eh? But a fool, it is clear, none the less. Which is why, one can only assume, that Mr Simon – who is likewise not a complete fool – believes that Mr Straw should be put in charge of our schools.
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There are, however, some more serious questions that deserve attention – not least how to vote at the next general election. Last week in this slot, my old friend and colleague Steve Platt devoted his column to the potential for left-wing electoral challenges to Labour, and concluded that, in the absence of proportional representation, a left alternative party has no chance of gaining parliamentary seats.
He's quite right – though that doesn't mean you should vote Labour everywhere next time. I shall be setting out here very soon the definitive list of constituencies where only a Lib Dem vote makes sense. But his piece did get me thinking. Like him, I've taken it for granted for years that PR would be a boon for the British left, allowing the emergence of a serious Green-left party that could realistically hope to win between five and ten per cent of the vote. And like him, I despair of the continuing head-in-the-sand commitment of most of the Labour left to maintaining the first-past-the-post status quo for Westminster elections.
But unlike him, I'm by no means sanguine about what has happened to the non-Labour left in the past couple of years since PR was introduced for the European Parliament, the Scottish Parliament, the Welsh Assembly and the Greater London Assembly. To be sure, it has been good to see the Greens win representation in Europe, Scotland and London. But any pleasure has been undermined by the extraordinarily narrow-minded anti-Europeanism that is at the core of their politics.
Meanwhile, the rest of the non-Labour left seems still to be stuck in the Leninist swamp, parroting the same old tired slogans. I don't really care that Militant has changed its name or that the Socialist Workers' Party is now prepared to work with Militant, Socialist Organiser and a couple of tiny Stalinist splinter groups to fight the next election as the Socialist Alliance: deep down, they're still the same dishonest anti-democratic sects, primarily interested in recruiting to their own ranks in preparation for a revolution that is always round the corner but never comes.
I wouldn't vote for them as a protest against New Labour, let alone if they had a chance of winning.
